So on so many blogs these day I am seeing all kinds of wish lists and it made me think of my own wish list. A wish list that I wish (haha) that I didnt have. This is the ugly side you often dont see on blogs because most people want you to think life is perfect., and you know for them i hope it is but for me well life isnt always perfect ( or atleast it doesnt always feel like it). So anyways back to the story at hand my wish list. Too often i find myself wishing for what i dont have or even worse what others have. You know it normally starts with the usual... i hate my house i wish i had a new one, i hate my body why cant i lose like 50 lbs, i hate my job why cant i not work oh yeah that little thing called debt WHICH I wish i didnt have, if only i could be like (insert whoever here) and if i could only have (insert that certain object your dying for here)....and the list goes on and on. Well lately i have just been over it, yes i will admit it I have been in a complete FUNK of a mood! Ive been tired, ive been stressed, my house is a wreck ( more so than usual), I am dying to get my master bedroom finished ( yeah remember that project i started oh like FOREVER ago) i cant figure out why i cant get my husband to finish the headboard and or paint. Will has reached terrible twos and i hate that i find myself wanting to pull my hair out sometimes ( i mean arent you suppose to be Super happy fun mom 24/7) not to mention we have been talking in my moms group bible study the past few weeks about being in a desert (spiritually) well no way thats not me (right?!). Our guest speaker Shannon was not TOTALLY talking about me last week when she was talking about going through "the motions" because you feel like thats what you are suppose to be doing and not necessarily bc you are wanting to. Even this morning when i woke up Joey asks me if we are going to church? I mean really do I always have to be the responsible one? And then i wanted to be like NO we arent just bc (again this sometimes feels like a have to instead of a want to for various reasons that are for another post all together) but as always we get up and go then on the way Joeys asks if I just want to go to eat breakfast then go home ( following the lime green snot mustache Will just had prior to this question again this to will be for another post) and again tempting but we were 3/4 of the way to church so i stayed strong and said lets go ( as did joey bc like i said we were almost there). And the mood continued ( since we are being honest i wont hold back and apologize if this offends anyone) So we get Will in the nursery, which is going better these days. We finally get to the service and wouldnt you know it is the associate pastor (who doesnt hold my attention very well....just saying) So i go into random though mode and think of all the things i could be doing in that moment ( laundry, cleaning sleeping for work,etc) and then as soon as it starts church service is over. and before i talk about the last part i just have to add that from the moment i woke up this morning i had been praying for God to open my heart to him, to lighten my mood and to basically get me out of this funk bc well to be real it coudl be worse! And wouldnt you know i had just about given up of being enlightend today and then the associate pastor said he wanted to conclude this series with a song and BAM it happened....my heart was lightened and some of those burdens were lifted. Of all days i didnt get a pamplet ( if any of my hope friends know how i could get a copy i would greatly appreciate it) They sang the song " Before the Morning" (thanks google) and here are the lyrics for any of you who are inspired more by songs sometimes like i am
"Before the Morning"
by:Josh Wilson
Do you wonder why you have to,feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,where is He now?
Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happeningto bring a better endingsome day,
some how, you'll see, you'll see
Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,'
cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.and hold on,
cause there's good who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,before the morning,
yeah, yeahOnce you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory,
yeahWould dare you, would you dare, to believe,t
hat you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's comingcom'n,
you got to wait for the lightpress on,
just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning,
yeah, yeahbefore the morning
and thats all it took. Now I will admit I did not understand the video that went with it but i was holding back tears and i have no idea why i was crying it just touched my heart sooooo much. I didnt even really "hear" the words until i just posted them and i was like wow all over again. and when we walked out of the service I saw another girl who was balling so I know I want the only one touched!
Ok so I know this post is LONG so i will end with this. I now wish to enjoy my little house bc although it isnt fancy and big it is our home, i wish to learn to like my body bc truth be known i will have another child before it ever changes and even then it probably wont be in the smaller way lol, I also wish to understand that i dont have to be super mom nor do I have to be like (insert certain someone here) and most of all i wish to appreciate my family more even though I have complained "a little" about the hubby and the tot i love them more than life itself and I dont know where I would be without them! I know that things dont change over night but i feel like I found a tall glass of water today out in my big empty desert and once again I have been shown how god works in my life and i will continue to prayer for him to open my heart :)
